Getting Authenticity Wrong
People often misunderstand what authenticity truly means, so let’s discuss where things get confused.
The Filter Thing
There’s this idea that being authentic means saying every single thing that crosses your mind. That’s not it. Authenticity is about making choices that align with what matters to you, not because you’re scared, not to make people like you, and not to manipulate anyone. You can be completely authentic and still pause before you speak. Being tactful and reading the room aren’t fake moves. They’re just sensible.
You’re Not Just One Thing
We've become attached to the idea that there's one true, unchanging version of ourselves deep down. But that's not how humans truly operate. You naturally present yourself differently depending on where you are. You might be professional at work, playful with friends, and serious when something important happens. None of those are masks; they are all genuinely you. What matters is whether you're acting from your true values or just performing to seek approval.
Being Flexible Isn't Being Fake
People often worry that changing their behaviour in different settings means they're being dishonest. But consider a surgeon who jokes with colleagues and then becomes highly focused during surgery. That's not fake; it's just appropriate. The real question isn't "Do I act exactly the same everywhere?" it's "Do my values stay consistent no matter the situation?"
Actually, being able to adapt is a good thing. Being identical in every context? That's just rigid, and rigidity often signals that something's wrong.
Social Media Made It Worse
Online culture has made us believe that authenticity means oversharing everything, blurting out whatever comes to mind, and acting vulnerable for likes. But that's not what it truly is. Authenticity isn't about broadcasting every thought and feeling; it's about being internally consistent.
The Quiet Part
Real authenticity mostly happens inside you. It's about knowing what matters to you and living accordingly. It's not about making sure everyone knows every opinion you hold. You can be authentically yourself without announcing everything going on in your mind.
"Brutal Honesty" Isn't Brave
People often describe themselves as "brutally honest" or say they "tell it like it is," and because it feels bold, they believe it's authentic. However, more often than not, it's just reactive impulse disguised as honesty. True authenticity requires understanding why you're sharing something and whether it genuinely reflects who you want to be.
Here's the thing:
People who simply say whatever comes to mind often get praised as authentic. But what they're really displaying is self-centred, attention-seeking, and entitled behaviour. They're desperate for admiration and use their "honesty" to manipulate others, taking advantage of kindness and vulnerability for their own benefit. They lack self-control and empathy. They're callous. That's not authenticity. That's just toxic behaviour.
When someone is self-centred, ignores social boundaries, lacks empathy, but has a strong personality, they often seem refreshingly direct. They say what others won't. And to people tired of corporate jargon and fake politeness, this feels like a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone who "tells it like it is!"
But here's what's different:
Authenticity comes from self-awareness and living by your values. Being unfiltered simply means you're missing the internal check system most people have; you don't care about social norms or how your words might affect others.
Being spontaneous isn't the same as being genuine. One requires deep thought and integrity. The other simply means not caring about consequences
So What Actually Matters
Authenticity is about living according to your values, not about showing transparency for others. It's about being internally consistent, not about appearing uniform in every situation.
Join us at the next Authentic Edge workshop
We haven’t yet set a date for the next Authentic Edge workshop, but it will be in 2026. Add your name to the waitlist and be the first to know when we have a date and registration is open.
